Saying No

Saying No, Can you do it?

Saying NO

I recently read about a person who found it difficult to say no.  They didn’t want to be involved in an activity but felt obliged to participate.  In my clinic work I find that saying No is hard for some people.  So what stops a person from saying no?

Our unconscious mind contains our past decisions, experiences, beliefs and what is valued.  These dictate how you think and therefore how you behave. These are used as one  filter of the mind.  If you have a behaviour where you find it hard to say No, then that has been created in your unconscious mind through all your life experiences and the decisions you made, consciously or unconsciously.

Before I explore how to change these so you can say No more comfortably, I want to raise the question of when to say No, because in the past I had the experience with a person who learned how to say no, and said it even in situations when it was better to say yes.

When you are offered the choice to be involved with another person, activity or experience you need to consider if this is going to be of benefit to me.  For example, I was offered a business opportunity the other day which was going to cost me several thousand dollars.  It was an interesting proposal, and I had to think out whether it would benefit me and be aligned with my vision for my business.  Once I checked this out and decided it was not a good fit, I decided to say no to the opportunity.

Whenever you are offered the choice to say yes or no, think about how it benefits you and the other person and whether there are any reason to say yes or to say no.  As you list those reasons then you can make a choice rather than just automatically saying yes.

How do you start to say no, when you have a habit of saying yes, when your past experiences impact your thoughts and behaviour making you struggle with saying no? Just shut your eyes and in your mind say no to a specific situation.  Take notice what you get back: Is it an uncomfortable feeling? Is it negative self-talk? Do you have a picture in your mind that is discouraging you from saying no?

Once you have that feedback, you will now have knowledge and the awareness of what is happening in your mind that is stopping you.

Techniques that I have found work in helping me and others say no is:

  • Make a list to determine how beneficial it is to say yes or no so you can consciously make a decision.
  • When there is an uncomfortable feeling, talk to it and see if you can resolve the feeling so that it does not stop you from saying no.
  • For negative self-talk, listen to it as if it is a friend giving you advice and work out whether you want to accept the advice or ignore it..
  • When you have a negative picture, shut your eyes and look at it and then change it so it fits with what you want rather than what you don’t want

Saying no is a pattern that needs to be created in your mind and behaviour. As you create it, it becomes stronger and easier to do.

I have a webinar coming up: Ask for what you want and Get It. It will be on Thursday 25 June from 7.30pm to 9pm.  It is aimed at helping you:

  • Discover the reasons you are not heard
  • Create positive empowering self-talk
  • Learn how to have others take notice of you
  • Find out how to ASK for what you want
  • Have a FEAST with your communication

You can register for this at:  Numbers are limited.

As you gain experience to say yes to what you want and no to what you don’t want, you will build a new mindset to gain what you want in life.

Have a great day achieving your success.


David Donahoo

Comments are closed.