Do you ask the right Question

Do you ask the right question?

It’s all about the Questions You Ask

I was talking to my wife the other day and I asked her a question about whether I had developed more flexibility over the last 15 years.  As I am now teaching a 5 day Diploma in Training and Education, I thought it would be a good time to review where my life has been going.  I remembered how I was once given a card, and all it had on it was the words Be Flexible. Thinking back I wanted feedback, from someone who had known me for years, to let me know what they observed.  Interestingly, my wife’s response was “I don’t know. What do you mean by flexible?”

When I thought about this, I got hit in the face by an insight into what I usually teach others. That being able to recognise that the quality of the question will impact the quality of the answer.  The question I had asked was vague, no context, and came out of the blue.  So my wife could not answer it the way I wanted because of all the information I left out.

When you ask a question and you do not get the answer you want or expected to, don’t go and blame the other person for their answer.  Instead look at the question you asked.  Imagine putting yourself into their shoes and having that question asked, and see how you would answer it.

The secret behind a quality question; understand first what you want to know.  If you are unclear in this then the answer you receive can also be unclear.  When I asked about flexibility, I had a vague idea on what I was asking, but I know I did not feel confident in myself when I asked the question, because I had doubts.  It was not doubts about whether I was more flexible or not; it was doubts about what I was really looking for.  As a result, the answer I got back from my wife reflected the vagueness and uncertainty that I was demonstrating.

As the communicator, you are responsible for the quality of the questions you ask.  This means that it is useful to think about the question and what other information you need to supply, so that when you ask your question, you will get what it is you want to really know.

If you would like help in being able to improve your communication skills to be able to present better, build supportive relationships at work or in your personal life, or get on better with a team of people you manage, then consider the benefits of getting a coach.  As a Communication Coach I am able to guide and assist you in addressing the block that impact you from having the empowering relationships you want with others, helping you building new skills so that you can create more success in your life.  If you want to find out more, please book in for a Coaching introduction session at: Communication coaching with David Donahoo

Have a great day achieving your success.


David Donahoo

Communications Coach, NLP Trainer and Hypnotherapist

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